Signs you're not ready for another relationship..

I am not one to judge the type of relationships people get into. Back in the day during my grandparent's generation, it was all about who could get the ring, get down the aisle, buy the house and have children first. I mean it was pretty much who exchanged vows with you would be who you were with until one or both of you passed. No matter what they did to you or what you went through, this would be your partner; my grandma used to say, "My vows matter."

Now, we live in a different time. It's all about falling slow and ending quickly. Bachelors have to get their experience out and women have to be swooned, yet treated as equal. Same thing goes for the same gender relationships (except most times each person needs both of those things). It's as if everybody wants the same thing that is elusive yet right under our nose. It's a continuous cycle of being scared to love, falling accidentally, being caught, threw in a river of tears and left there to be scared all over again-- that is until bitterness sits in and you just get tired of trying.

For the last year or so, I have been single and I am finally at a place to start dating. This, of course, was after many trials of this with many failures. So I decided to write down some things from the many times I have tried to date to give tips on signs you're not ready for a relationship.

1. You date people that are "better" than your ex.

Don't act like this isn't true! You may never say it to your ex, but you only go out (especially to public places) with someone who [looks, dresses, works, finances, etc.] better than your ex. Am I saying you shouldn't upgrade? No, I'm saying you aren't ready for a relationship if upgrading is all you are searching for.

2. You still haven't found any happiness in being single.

"I'm a recovering undercover over- lover." I would be out of a 6 month or 2 year relationship and in another one in a month. Some people can move on and get over people real easy-- I wasn't that person. The issue was relationships were comfortable for me. The co-dependency that allowed me to exist in a happy space was addictive to me. I realized recently, I didn't even know what I liked for and about myself while I was jumping in and out of these relationships. I had become an over average boyfriend, but a manikin to my needs. It is imperative to find some happiness being alone with your thoughts and likes because otherwise you will be in a relationship with a person who has no idea who you are.

3. You date based on "potential" rather than action.

Excuse my language, but potential is pure bull-shitocky mushrooms (LOL) if it has no action. "He/she could be a great stylist, if they used their potential." "If they stopped being a h** and settled down they would (potentially) be a good boyfriend." That's what potential looks like. So, you get you a good sex session in to show them "you down"- and because that is, normally, all they bring to the table. (Side note, I could write an entire blog around why sex can't be the answer. Then, another one breaking down why we shouldn't judge people based off the amount of sex partners they have had single, but back to the topic.) Then six months later you realize that with minimal change, he is the same person with the same potential you met in the beginning. If you aren't dating because of where someone- or you- currently is, then maybe you should wait awhile.

4. You're attracted to dysfunctional situationships.

The calls at 3 am make you giddy. The "I ain't got nowhere to go so I'm going to come by for the night." The dude in a relationship with someone you know that you "chill" with on a regular. Yea, them. You know that isn't going anywhere. Yet, "that's your type." Take a break, friend.

5. You don't have any income.

I'm sorry to let you know, but dating requires money. Meeting up requires gas, a cab, or a bus. Plus, it's only so many free things you can do. Things cost. Truly getting to know someone means getting out the bed, going somewhere. Dating is expensive. If you don't have an income and something of your own, work on you more.

I'm not trying to come across as the teacher; I'm just trying to tell you all what I've learned. Hope it helps. Any you want to add? Any you feel should be taken away? Let me know in the comments section or send me an email: ianhaddock@thenormalanomaly.com

-The Normal Anomaly

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