Confessions of a TomBoy TransWoman

As a young trans woman, speaking to my elders has played key parts in my transition. I, myself, lean more towards a "tomboy", pseudo-masc personality, and because of that, women feel the need to give me "tips" on how to "be a lady".

I totally understand wanting to help the younger generation with the lives they want to lead. Hell, I've often wanted a true "Gay parent" to guide me and show me the ropes. But, since when did being a woman become so cut and dry? When did getting "pumped" become the essence of womanhood, or a nose job make you the woman of the hour? Why is it that the LGBTQ only recognize, uplift, and celebrate a TransWoman if she's shaped like Buffy the body, or if she keeps 3.4 pounds MAC cosmetics on day in and day out? You see, the LGBTQ community has turned trans-life into a perpetual pageant, or ball, where unless you have the look, the talent, the money, or the drugs, you will be ignored.

The problem with this is now the normal girl who's just starting their transition is considered inadequate. The girl who doesn't wear makeup is made to feel ugly and incompetent and the girl with large feet is told "you WOULD NEVER be a woman." Unless they seek to be painted, conventionally beautiful, and adored by the rest of the community, their existence is near null and void.

The LGBTQ community is being so fixated on vanity and the superficial that it ceases to see worth in anything else. Now, I could also say that they should be confident in themselves. That they should expect to be outcasts, and should therefore make their own lane. That they should command respect with an upheld head. But, come on! How many transwomen do you know that don't have strong support systems? How many without knowledge and access to counseling, therapy, and HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)? And on top of that, The same girls they aspire to be won't give them a second glance!

Girls like me almost never get a chance, because we deviate so far from what's expected. I've come to accept the idea that I'm not looking to be Amiyah Scott, or Londyn Milaun, Or Sidney Starr, Or Shauna Brooks. I'd rather be Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson, or Miss Major (Griffin Gracie). So please, recognize my beauty, which is so much more than external. I am a revolutionary, provocative, SEXY young Trans Women. And I don't need silicone, or eyeliner to get there.

-Phoebe Vancleefe