Why is it so easy for us to walk away?

We are in such a fast paced society. Read receipts on text messages allow for us to know how quick someone received a text-- and that goes for Facebook, Instagram and Twitter Direct Messaging, too. Speaking of social media, at any moment, you can figure out what someone is doing just by finding them on social media. Let's not even get to what hook-ups and dating looks like at this moment in time. Shit, get on one of the many geosocial applications and find the nearest cute guy with lips, ass or dick-- I mean whatever you decide you are into at that very moment. Not to mention, there are so many different geosocial apps that whether you are looking for black, white, older, bigger, masculine, feminine, professional or hood, you have an app for that. I'm saying we just live in a fast paced society.

Further, relationships are built so quickly. Read a couple about me sections or see someone who comments on your social media friends post and you have a new cutie, judy or chill buddy. Everyone rags on people being in relationships for 2 or 3 months, but I'm not mad; we live in a fast paced society.

As I sit back and watch my friends, society and even myself, I wonder why so many incredible people can't have lasting relationships. It's expected in this society after so long, but it's still difficult to watch and feel. One of the absolute worse feelings is being heartbroken; in my opinion, there aren't too many things that can make you feel as bad for an extended period of time.. So, why won't we try to keep from getting heartbroken if we are consistently looking to meet new people? Why won't we try to make things work if the things are work-able? Why is it so easy to walk away rather than fight?

I have a couple theories for this.

1. We hate to admit that we are part of the problem.

I think it comes from a myriad of different issues. The reality is if your dating situations are consistently failing, you have to be a little cognizant that you are the common denominator. No, that doesn't mean that you are a problem, but you are at least a part of the problem. I know, it's hard for us to tell ourselves that we could be the issue, but if nothing else, let's focus on our sphere of influence in the situation. Much of this probably stems from the type of men we are attracted to. Are you looking for a long term relationship? Are you looking to build something with someone? It's going to be real hard to do that with the straight boy around the corner who sneaks over when he walks to buy more cigarillos. Also, it could be a little hard with the dude that is consistently showing you your convenience to him versus the committment his willing to make with you. ​

2. We love to argue.

This is most definitely my issue here. Insult my manhood, try and take control, make me feel inadequate, hurt my feelings-- even if it's all in my head-- and I will cut you with my words. I want the last word. I want to get my point across. I want to prove you wrong. I consider myself a master debater, baby (in my New Orleans voice). I had to start asking myself, "What will you get out of winning this argument? What do you want your end goal to be? If this arguing won't get you to the end goal, then why have it?" Word of advice: if you are arguing to do anything other than come to a solution or compromise, you shouldn't be arguing.

3. We are too scared to be vulnerable.

Being vulnerable is hard work. It means opening yourself up after all the scars that you have gained over the years to someone to give them the possibility of doing the same thing to you. Pause. First, make sure the scars are completely healed before you open up again; if you don't that is the quickest way to get yourself hurt. After that, knowing vulnerability is absolutely essential is priceless. Over time, you have to allow layers of yourself to come off and yes, even with the possibility of getting hurt. It's this old cliche statement that really rings true for me, "I don't fail. I either win or learn." If it doesn't work, I promise you are learning something important for the one that it does work with.

4. We fall in love with the sex.

Don't act like I'm crazy. Sex is a very important part of the dating scenario. It's hard to consider anyone else when your boo makes your toes curl and say crazy, stupid things at the peak of passion. Trust me, I have been on both sides-- the passion giver and the passion receiver-- and you can make good sex last for a long time. Before you know it, he's basically living with you, y'all eating dinner together every night and talking to your people on the phone. Then, you wake up. What does this man offer? What does he bring to the table? Sex is great, but it doesn't pay the bills-- and if it does for him, that could be a whole other issue. Can he hold a conversation? Does he work, have ambition, interested in being more than he is now? After the nut is bussed, does he even wipe you up? If all he bring is good sex, there's a term for that and it's not "boyfriend". Then, before long you end up walking away because you know that it couldn't be anything substantial. So, let sex be sex and dating be dating. Yeah, mix the two from time to time, but they aren't equal.

I wish it wasn't like this; we all have the desire to find love but are scared of the risk it takes to fall. I love to see couples and I am hoping one day soon, I'll be able to say I'm coupled up. What I hope for even more is to see relationships last. "A man loving a man is a revolutionary act."​

-The Normal Anomaly