During the holidays, remember your friends are family, too

Ian Haddock
Nov 25, 2015
2 min read

I've been really open about my mother's death a couple years back. My mother was my angel: she had her issues as we all do, but I was definitely a mama's boy.

I never really understood the importance of Thanksgiving as a kid, though. I left home the day I graduated and never looked back. Yeah, I would go down there and visit everyone, but I mean it was my crazy, weird, dysfunctional ass family-- so it wasn't really that important.

As she started to get sick, though, it became more and more obvious that every moment I could spend with her was essential. She died in October 2012 shortly after my grandmother had passed in June 2012. Last year in August, my grandfather passed.

With all that death in my family, I had to make a choice: every holiday season do I stay in the house depressed, go visit my family and act like the voids aren't there or do I recreate my norms?

For some time, I decided to just act as if coming home to my beautiful aunts and awesome uncles, cousins and their friends were not detrimental to my sanity. I mean it is family and I do enjoy each moment that I am able to talk with them, but my mom not being there to force me to taste something so we can laugh at my face since I'm so damn picky with my food or her walking outside with me for a sip of my drink (the only cup in the house she knew would have some libations in it) or her falling asleep in my lap after she had "sinned" (key word that she had ate too much that day) was bothersome to me.

Then, I tried to just act like it was another day. I would wake up, watch some tv, go eat alone and go party that night. This made me feel worse; I would always come home feeling empty, lifeless as if I missed something seeing all the pictures of people with their families.

So, recently, I have decided to change my norms: whether that is bringing a car full of my friends from Houston to go eat in my hometown, going by my friend's family's house or, as I'm doing this year, have my own Thanksgiving dinner here with friends.

What I have realized is that I spend all year with people that have become family and on a day I'm supposed to be thankful for life and grateful for all that has happened, I sneak out on them. Sometimes, your answer is right under your nose. I am not saying to skip out on a wonderful family time to be around friends, but I am saying take some time and think about your friends who may feel they don't have any place to go. Friends are family, too.