#Effemiphobia: Are Feminine Men Treated Different in Gay Society? Part I

As a "masculine" man, I find myself subconsciously judging people who are effeminate. Wait. Not all the time. Only in public. And let's be clear: I'm not masculine all the time in private. Still, in public I wonder why being flamboyant, having multi colored hair and women's clothes are so comforting to people for a Wal Mart outing? I mean, it's not your night time look. It's not your friends or homeboy's house. It's public. So, I had to check myself and ask myself some questions.

First of all, why is a person who is more "clock-able" than I less respected? Second, if they are comfortable in their "clockiness", then wouldn't that make them more confident than me?

As I started to consider this thought, I decided to speak with a couple people that would be considered feminine in multiple different ways and see if they felt the judgment from the gay community for them being effeminate.

Before we start, let's get an understanding of the term effemiphobia in context. Effemiphobia, as stated by the person who presented the term to me by the name of Brandon Mack, is the negativity towards effeminate gay men by gay or same gender loving people. In an article where he was interviewed found on Logo's NewNowNext website he states, "One of the reasons why effemiphobia exists is because people are uncomfortable with transgressing gender norms. Growing up we were told that boys and girls acted in certain ways and that it was inappropriate to transgress those behaviors. Boys would be punished if they played with dolls or dressed up in women's clothing. This punishing of playing with gender continues today with effeminate gay men being treated negatively by gay people because they play with gender. Some people claim that individuals who are effeminate or perform in drag bring the community down because they play with gender and go against gender norms."

So, in essence, it stands as the judgment we place on feminine men because we feel like they need to choose a side.

When I spoke with someone who considers themselves androgynous, Depaul Norwood, she states that people consider her a woman. It's as if men feel only as if she can be looked at as a friend unless they don't identify as gay. Gay men want her to pick sides and, for him, seeing as he considers himself a man, he doesn't understand why he can't be his natural self: high voice, shapely "woman-like" figure and all-- especially when the boys queen out when they get around their homeboys. It's something to note when we consider how much strength it must take to put yourself in the place of judgment based on what people seemingly want to do in public but can't because of their image. Further, it shows how in a heteronormative context we look at women as if they are "less than" or "beneath" men and we unintentionally place that on the more fishy types of men.

Even more interesting is the thought that Depaul doesn't feel most judged by gay men but by Transwomen or Drag Queens. So, if you haven't seen Depaul's style of performance in person, let me give you some context. He believes in performing, at one time exclusively Beyonce', with makeup, girl clothes, boots and a bald fade. In his opinion, people have said in the past-- especially professional entertainers in the drag industry-- that he is making a mockery of their career. As if their is something wrong with being a gay man with make-up and performing. DePaul has tried to do the full drag thing but says that she doesn't feel comfortable. It seems as a society we want to consistently place people in boxes and if they don't conform then that makes them outcasts.

Well, I can't say that I fully understood it either. When I first met DePaul, I was a little weirded out. Why would this woman-- of which I thought he was-- be half way doing drag? I thought it was stupid, but as DePaul said to me during our interview, "It's not for people to understand. If I feel like wearing the same thing everytime I go out, dancing to the same music and decide to not do anything different, it is my expression of who I am. I'm not a person who thinks of myself as a woman. Yes, I wear girl clothes almost exclusively. Yes, I love putting on make-up. That's just who I am. I have, well use to, have an alter ego named Cydkney. I use to love looking in the mirror and seeing how I would create Cydkney for any event, booking or appearance and now, more than ever, I realize Cydkney is me. Cydkney is Depaul."

As I sat back after the conversation, I was amazed. How many people in our community are sitting there looking for themselves in the mirror because they hate what they see? How many people in our community have fought hard lives to be who they are right now and just want to feel liberated-- without religious shunning, racial prejudices and labeling?

Then, we see someone who is confident and comfortable in who they are and we shun them.

Stay tuned. I have three parts to this story. Next, I'm going to talk to a drag queen who doesn't feel shunned by dating experiences as he is in a long term relationship, but feels a lack of community support as he creates his brand. Lastly, I will talk to two legends in the community that speak of their exit from their drag persona and the different journeys to and through that.

- The Normal Anomaly

You can find Brandon Mack on Facebook. Depaul Norwood can also be found on Facebook; also follow his webseries Real Gay Housewives of Houston on Youtube.