#Effemiphobia: How do we stop it? Part III

My last piece of this series on femininity in the gay community is about how do we start to change the narrative of considering people subpar for their effeminate qualities. When I spoke with one of the legends of the community, Rande Rochelle, he was pretty optimistic.

Rande was raised in a time where you were treated well because of your femininity. Rande started what people consider his "drag career" by accident at a Turn About show and the straight/ downlow dudes in the club went up! Even then, the message was still the same around the community feeling that if you did drag one time, then you were a drag queen. Still, because drag was the fun thing to do-- it wasn't a big problem back in the day.

Rande believes that there are a few things that both masculine and feminine people should be aware of to allow for everyone to feel welcomed in our community. I think these are all great things.

1. Find your line.

Rande says because of his natural femininity people will try and fit him into this androgynous newer generation. That's not him. He has spent a lot of time developing himself and is perfectly comfortable with the fact that he has "sugar walls"-- as the dudes he dates playfully remark. He doesn't come from a generation where it was okay to blur lines, but believes that being very confident in who you are is essential to being able to be respected.

2. Treat people well.

He says too many times people will get into these characters of themselves socially and forget who they really are. Often times, they end up looking-- or actually being-- really mean people. Treating people well sends out the energy to receive good energy; after all, it's very hard to be mean to a sincerely nice person. He tells a short anecdote during our talk about some of his friends coming down from Atlanta a few weeks ago and being surprised at all the love he receives after being in -- and running-- this community for over 40 years. He recognizes it is because he is authentic and treats people well.

3. Be sincere.

Rande says how he has kept a name in our community is not only from his social media presence, but also because he is honest. On his social media, Rande is pretty well known to be brutally honest and upfront about not only pop culture but his personal life. You see the true essence of him at all times. Because of this, people are able to recognize his authenticity. Whether he posts about his boyfriends, family, social life or pop culture, he is always honest, respectful and charismatic.

4. Recognize your surroundings.

A lot of times, if we put ourselves in other's shoes, we would change the way we treat people. He figured this out when he started dating dudes that were only comfortable dating transgendered women and he wondered why they were comfortable dating him as himself-- without the drag. He knew he was feminine, but also knew he was a man. Either way, he had no problem being hand in hand with the people he dated. Rande says that he was never personally affected by his femininity, but he would see his partners get a bit uncomfortable as they weren't used to being considered gay and that would be the perception when they were with him. From there, he changed how he interacted in his surroundings and became more cognizant of how to act.

In all, I think it's important to recognize effemiphobia is a real social construct-- especially in the Black, gay community. I think taking these few easy steps will help us out on many different levels. Each one, teach one.

- The Normal Anomaly

Find Rande Rochelle here on Facebook.