Interview with an Ex-Inmate: I Just Got Out of Jail, I Miss It.

So, I speak a lot about the Prison Industrial Complex and how it relates to many of the systemic problems of being black. Well, as we know, a lot of times being gay doesn't change that. In essence, a lot of our brothers and trans sisters find themselves in awkward situations of survival and/or greed and end up locked behind bars.

I went to jail for some tickets back in 2010 and was there for 2 days and, let me tell you, I can not understand how anyone can survive in the confinement of bars. That shit is scary to me and can easily make you go crazy.

Anyway, one of my brothers has been in jail for years and "came out" to me about his attraction to both sexes in like 2011. In doing this, I agreed to send him pictures of some of my friends and, after while, he garnered interest in one of them. I haven't really heard from either my friend or my brother in some time, but out of the blue, I got a message from this random dude a couple weeks ago asking me had I spoke with my brother. I didn't know this dude, but I knew for him to reach out to me directly he had to be sort of legit because I hardly ever talk about my actual family.

The dude goes on to say that he was recently released from prison and was in the same area as my brother. He said that my brother talked about me and the work I do and thought he should contact me when he got to out of jail (I didn't even know my brother knew I had a job since he's been in and out of jail since I was a teenager). I inform him I do work primarily around gays and don't know much about returning to work after incarceration. He says well I could probably help him, because he's a closeted bisexual and doesn't even know how to deal with that now that he isn't behind bars. So, the writer in me had an "aha" moment and said this would be perfect: I help him find himself, he gives me an interview. Lol. So, here it is-- of course anonymous to protect his privacy but, as always, an interesting perspective.

The Normal Anomaly: It is always interesting to meet people who change my perspective-- and like my brother, I'm pretty stubborn. So, let's get right into it: Why did you go to jail and had you messed with a man before you got there?

Ex-Inmate: So, I went to jail for something that I didn't do. It was my fault though, bro. See, I already had a record and was around the wrong crowd still. I had pretty much straightened my life up but that wrong crowd will fuck you over all the time. My homies had robbed this place and I happened to be around when the cops caught 'em so they took me in with 'em. I got a free world lawyer and of course loss the case and got 6 years with a charge of aggravated robbery. I didn't know what to do man: my freedom was gone, my family seemed like they ain't give a damn and, even though I wanted her to, I knew my gal wasn't gonna wait on me. I tried to hold my head up high and deal with it man. I met this cool lil homie in there. He was on some straight up intellectual type shit man: he designed cards and shit for the other dudes to send to their family and was good as hell, bro. Dude saw I was depressed as fuck and would send me cards telling me to keep my head up and God got us. He ended up being like a pastor type friend to me-- I really appreciated him being there. They pretty much let you sleep wherever in there as long as you don't cause problems, so I started bunking in the room with him. One night I heard this dude jacking off-- which wasn't crazy seeing that dudes be horny all the time anyway, but listening to this dude jacking his dick turned me on and it tripped me out. I forced myself to go to sleep, but, in the back of my mind, I was fucked up. I realized something about this lil dude got me goin'.

TNA: So, did you end up acting on those desires?

Ex-Inmate: It took me a long time to get to that, bro. I use to rank on n***as that liked n***as. So, I didn't understand the feelings I had for this dude. He made it easy for me one night, though. I would do the same thing he did to me every once in a while: you know, jackin' off loud enough so that I know he would hear. One night, he climbed down from the bunk in the middle of me trying to rub one out and grabbed it. I jumped and almost wanted to slap the shit outta him. Before I could even think about it, he start sucking me off and we went from there.

TNA: (Fanning myself) Thats kinda hot. So, what was going through your mind after that experience?

Ex-Inmate: I'll say this bro: it's true, guys do it better than girls. Lol. I still kept it quiet even though it was goin' on with pretty much all the inmates. The thing was we were two masc dudes and that was weird to people. I had been to jail several times for short amounts of time, but never tried it. But, I cut for this dude hard, bro. I thought it was the sex for a couple months because pretty much two or three times a day I was gettin' a nut from head or when I finally, you know, hit it. I knew it was something much more when I decided to... ummm... bend over.

TNA: How long did it last?

Ex-Inmate: Almost all 3 years I was in there. I didn't know they was letting me out early until maybe 3 months before. We had become open and were like a regular married couple except we were two boys. I fell in love with this dude. I had never been treated so good, cared about so much, appreciated so good. Damn, thinkin' about that got a n***a kind of emotional. I miss that dude.

TNA: So, is that why you said you missed being in jail?

Ex-Inmate: It's definitely a big part of it, bro. It was the only place I could be who I have just found myself to be. Now, being in the free world, I don't know if it's because I talked so bad about punks or because I met my soulmate, but I don't want another dude. I came home, went to the club that night and took a broad home and it was just goin' with the motion. Like I said, I miss the dude. Other part is, I don't have nothing out here to live for. I can't get a job with my record, I can't get no place to stay. It's like I'm free and chained all at the same time. I mean, I paid my debt and I still owe them. It's fucked up.

TNA: I like what you said about the fact you paid your debt to society and still feel chained. What can we as a community do to combat a system that has bogged you down and to help you deal with the fact that you like men-- well a man-- and women?

Ex-Inmate: I honestly don't know man. It would be nice to have people behind me or to support me but can I really say that if I'm not even really comfortable with my shit? I am planning to go enroll in barber college because I know that's one of the few places that will accept me with my record. I'll stay with my mom. Hope my dude gets out soon and then I'll feel a lil more complete facing the world. Other than that, meeting people like you helps. If this what the community feels like, who knows, maybe one day I'll feel comfortable being open with my relationship because I think ol' dude is it for me. I respect y'all though.

TNA: Yes, we have people like me and many diverse people in the LGBT community. And I'll be here for you. My brother's friend is my friend.

- The Normal Anomaly